Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
