I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
