Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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