My balls are so social today.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
