is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I need a beard to bite.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
