i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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