No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
