2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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