Welp...herpes.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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