Your face is a jimmy john
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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