I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
