Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
