Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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