Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
