Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
