I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
