I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
