sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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