Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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