Your face is a jimmy john
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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