You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
