how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
