Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
