uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
