oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
