If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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