you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
