im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
even my farts smell like vagina
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
