"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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