we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
