so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
