They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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