I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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