Are we in a gay sports bar?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My penis needs a shock collar
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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