she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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