Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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