You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
