Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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