Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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