There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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