and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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