Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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