we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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