I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
