His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
