So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
