Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This toilet bowl is my home.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
