you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
