he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
