Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
