my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
