I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
