Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
